One of my good friends and I were discussing how miraculous new life is. It seems to always come at the most interesting times. The truth is, the past several years have been a dark time in many of my close friend’s lives. I walked along side them through miscarriages, horrible diagnoses, and the losses of a parent. Through the pain and intense grief, I’ve seen our Heavenly Father SHOW UP. He has left me speechless on so many occasions where I’ve seen the strength and peace that ONLY HE CAN GIVE, through my friends. I can only pray He can use me like this during trials. I’ve seen Him hold them in His hand and continue to. He shows me His goodness through them even during the most earth shattering times they are always pointing me to His never ending love for us. These recent experiences remind me just how short life on this earth is & has my heart exploding with gratitude that we’ve been given eternal life through his son Jesus. I cannot wait for the day I’ll be worshipping along side many of those I mentioned before in heaven. It has also left me shaken on how people could ever walk through those horrific trails without Him. I cannot even and don’t want to think of the brokenness, anxiety, anger, and utter misery people are bound by and continue to suffer in. It pains me that people would willing choose to not accept His free gift. These verses about life have been on my heart:
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; ...
Romans 6:23 ESV
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
John 16:33 ESV
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
To continue, before I found out I was pregnant at all, I had been learning about listening to God’s voice in a couple studies and my pastor happened to have been preaching on this topic too. (If you want me to send you the sermons, please reach out and I’d be happy to!) Anyhow, while I’m tuning in and listening & asking the Holy Spirit to teach me about listening, I heard God tell me twins. Now, it wasn’t like, “hey you are pregnant and going to have twins Madison”— it was just “twins.” So, I did the unchristian thing and convinced myself I was indeed crazy. Surely I’m not actually hearing the Lord speak twins to me. Even though, everything I was learning in scripture was teaching me this is a blessing and a promise from the Lord. Where was my faith? I know I’m not supposed to question the Lord, but as i laid in my bed, i said “Lord i hear you and I’m learning, but could you show me what you are saying.” (My study leader later reminded me this is okay & I can always ask the Lord for more faith.) That night I had the most vivid dream and in the dream I’m looking at two beautiful twins bundled up and I glanced up and saw a nurse wearing a name tag that said Lea. When I woke up, I did thank God, but do you think I wholeheartedly trusted? No, I’m so terrible, (He is so patient with me) I was going well maybe those were someone else’s twins. I mean I was at the hospital, but I couldn’t see myself and I wasn’t holding them. And the nurse Lea— well one of my good friend’s sister’s name is Lea maybe I just saw her on instagram and her name was in my head. I did have this dream on my mind the entire next day and thought to write about it in my notes of my phone to timestamp it (notice the date) incase my discernment wasn’t off like I thought maybe it was. I’ll show you a screenshot.
Fast forward several weeks and low and behold I’m pregnant. So I definitely thought of the twins dream and remembered what God had promised, but I wasn’t about to tell anyone. My discernment was off remember? I also started noticing twins EVERYWHERE. Looking back I feel like that was totally the Lord preparing me in so many ways. When I much later told my husband and showed him the note in my phone he said gee thanks- it would’ve been nice to have a warning. 🤣
At my very first OB apt, I asked the doctor to check all my levels. Not bc of the twin dream, but because my progesterone had been low with one of my first two children. So he did and when I got the hcg results back, I thought hmm that seems high in the 1100s and this early?! I sent the levels without saying anything to some family members and friends thinking well I have a lot of loved ones in the medical field, I’ll see if anyone mentions the numbers. But they didn’t, so i thought well I’m no doctor— I guess they are normal. My doctor didn’t say they were elevated either. As you can see through my doubt/ unbelief I was still learning, but wanted to share these scriptures & remind you that our God is truly so patient and kind to us—- I didn’t deserve it. Not one bit!!!! And still He poured His knowledge out to me ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜. His voice is such a blessing.
John 10:27 ESV
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
Jeremiah 33:3 ESV
Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
John 8:47 ESV
Whoever is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear them is that you are not of God.”
John 16:13 ESV
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.
Weeks later, we go in for the first ultrasound and I say a prayer in my head on the way that was something like this, “Lord I honestly just want your will over my life— whatever you want me to do and whatever you think bc your plans have always proven so much better than mine. You are a good Father.” See I was learning not to question Him. I learned this in a study- (He promised to be with me to the end of age- no matter what comes my way. Do we have to wonder if He can do it? No. Do we always understand why He does what he does? No. Many can’t admit that God is in control bc He is not working things out in their life like they want them worked out, but now I understand that His plan is better than ours.) Even if we don’t see it during this lifetime, it is!
To finish my story, Brock and I are sitting in the waiting room for the sonogram, I’m laughing bc there are literally twins on the news on tv. And I still have mentioned this to no one. We’re finally in the ultrasound room which had a nice big screen. Brock and I later discussed that we could both see two babies on the screen and in our heads were going hmm I probably just don’t know what I’m looking at. Funny we both had these thoughts. Then the sweet ultrasound tech says, “so this is baby A.” Brock turned white as the tile floor and his jaw was lying on it. My demeanor was calm because after all the Lord did tell me this, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit the shock was still there. It still is honestly. It has yet to go away. I’ve only added the emotions of thankfulness and a bit of panic (not even going to lie). How one earth does He think we can do it? I mean I know Brock can because he is awesome at all of his jobs, but Im not that together. I’m continuing to dive into His word for calmness and guidance. I relying on teams of prayer warriors, study partners & leaders, co- volunteers at church (my amazing community) to point me to His word for support. This is going to be a long journey and I can’t do it without His gift of the people He puts in our lives. I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness for each of you— and I know exactly who put you there!! Oh, how He cares for us so!
John 7:17 ESV
If anyone's will is to do God's will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority.
2 Peter 3:9 ESV
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
Ephesians 5:17 ESV
Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Psalm 119:105 ESV
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path
Isaiah 41:10 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
1 Peter 5:7 ESV
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
(Psalm 25:4–5)
Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
I wanted to end with a prayer, “Lord thank you for knitting these babies together and creating all of us to be your children. Thank you for your perfect love and plans for us. Thank you for sovereignty- your voice that guides us throughout our lives. Thank you for your instruction and your unchanging word. Your presence is undeniable. Lastly, thank you for your infinite wisdom and will for our lives. You are a good, good Father. In your son’s name, amen.”
Twin update- thank you prayer warriors!! The twins are measuring right on track. They are diamniotic-monochorionic and their heart rates this week were 167 & 170. The doctor thinks they are identical, so this isn’t something that runs in family. It is one egg splitting. I’m feeling great and much better than my prior pregnancies. Brock and the kids are beyond excited. All the glory to our King!!!
Kids reaction- When we told them I was pregnant, i messed up bc i told them it was a gift & they unwrapped baby stuff. Berkeley was over the moon, but Banks wanted to know where his toy was. We were cracking up and I totally set myself up for failure with that one 😂. Then when we told them it was twins, Banks said that Brock was going to have to change diapers too. Brock said nope, mom is changing double. 🤣🤣 We’re all ecstatic!
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